Our PDR Posse member, Thomas Czarnik releases a new set of political limericks. It comes just at the right time in our politics.
Political Limericks by Thomas Czarnik
POLITICAL LIMERICKS tjczarnik There once was a VP named Pence His demeanor described as quite tense His life was most grim Wouldn’t want to be him With my butt perched in pain on a fence. There once was a VP named Pence Had to put up with lots of nonsense From behind Donald Trump He kissed an orange rump Was nearly hanged for a Cap’tol Offence. There was a President named Trump Who needed to take a big dump He’d sit on his shitter He’d tweet and he’d twitter His best work came out of his rump. There are many who follow a guy named Q Think whatever he says is quite true They believe every word Though it might be absurd A better response to B.S. is "P.U."! A GOP Rep named Matt Gaetz Has a forehead as high as two milk crates His excuses are bafflin’ For drugs and sex traffickin’: “I’m white, rich and have lots of hot dates.” Two cronies named Manchin and Sinema Of Arizona and West Vir-gin-eeah With heads up their ass No laws can get passed It seems like they both need an enema. There once was a Russian named Putin Instead of talk he preferred to be shootin’ Started a war in Ukraine Proof he’s much more insane Than that lunatic known as Rasputin. A senator by name of Hawley Gives speeches all bluster and folly Of BS he's full In Congress pit bull But from danger runs off like a collie. A doctor whose first name is Rand Thinks his personal prescriptions quite grand But if you need a house call Don't call this quack Paul ‘Cause snake oil in a bottle’s his brand. There was a candidate named OZ Who'd say anything just for applause Hoped for a bump From his best bud Trump The man behind curtain Says a Senate seat certain If you believe both in me and in Santa Claus. There once was a senator named Cruz Who seems always to be in the news He sits on a fence Between sense and nonsense Texas Ted must have several loose screws. There is a Fox airhead named Sean Who as sure as night comes before dawn Lacks even a hint of humanity “I’m King of the News” thinks Hannity But to Trump he is simply a pawn. To 45 William Barr was a star No one was more loyal by far But when a judge said he lied Barr had no place to hide His hand caught in Trump's cookie jar. Those who substitute facts with illusion Tell lies and sow seeds of confusion Anti-maskers Anti-vaxxers Spread deadly disease and delusion. Two GOP Reps named Boebert and Greene Make speeches in Congress intolerant and mean Bible thumpers so avid Donald Trumpers so rabid Guns and violence promoters both sick and obscene. An inquisitive pundit named Tucker Must think every Fox fan a sucker His facial attentive frown Is an anal retentive crown On a king who’s a smug mother f**ker. Trumpsters take truth-tellers to task Give leaders like Liz Cheney the ax She calls Trump a traitor And that's why they hate her They prefer the Big Lie to the facts. We go to the pump for gasoline Find prices higher than ever seen While all the nation Suffers inflation Oil Oligopoly makes profits obscene. At Mar-a-Lago were hidden in many a box Government files and classified docs Most keep wondering why Even the DOJ and FBI But not Trump's base or the people at Fox. Her name is Marjorie Taylor Greene Of Radical Reps she might be the queen Loves men that are macho But hates the gazpacho And a peach tree dish for Bill Gates’ cuisine. Hundreds of classified docs the ex-Pres took Some say Trump's nothing but a common crook Guilty of sedition or treason? Maybe Memoirs the real reason "Art of the Steal" to be a coloring book! On January 6th we nearly lost our Democracy To the Forces of Evil and Autocracy Those who believe the Big Lie A free and fair election deny Are guilty of deception and hypocrisy. A UK queen named Liz As monarch was quite the Wiz When she died twas sheer luck For first son named Chuck The crown once hers was now His. A most dangerous man named Pompeo Wants politicians in schools to say No To honest teachers just teaching Rather have them all preaching With biased brains like Mike’s made of Play-Dough. In Georgia Warnock wins over Walker It was the Thinker over the Talker Running right Herschel stumbled On the final yard he fumbled Turns out Trump's a terrible blocker George Santos claims he's Jew-ish Cause he loves bagels knish and Yiddish Says he not a fraud, not a liar Just a GOP Rep with pants on fire From a red district that once was bluish. A GOP Rep claims he's quite Jew-ish Gets elected in a district once bluish When the press found his facts all fraud Santos said they instead should applaud 'Cause every bit of my bio's quite true-ish. Greg Abbott the cruel governor of Texas Does to Dems what he thinks will wreck us When poor migrants he sees To DC sends 'em to freeze While sitting warm and smug in his Lexus. A GOP Rep in Congress named Kevin Being House Speaker to him would be Heaven Other plans had the Freedom Caucus They're riotous, they're raucous They don't give a sh*t Wish McCarthy would quit To go manage a 7-11. So Kevin M finally became Speaker But as a leader no one could be weaker Though now Big Cheese of the House He's less a man than a Mouse Who eked out victory in a Squeaker. Republicans all are very upset ‘Bout Biden Docs found with his Corvette But they ignore Trump lies constructed Secret files hidden, justice obstructed Say he’s still their leader, Best President yet. A Florida Governor named Ron DeSantis Around the Truth he prances and dances Bans books and CRT Detests Gays and ESG Attacks liberty like a right-winged praying mantis. A man with a fake tan from Florida Thinks he's perfect without a flaw A riot he incited Now twice indicted Even an ex-Prez is not above the Law. Justice Thomas on SCOTUS you'll find him After billionaire friends have wined and dined him Though Affirmative Action Gave his career lots of traction He opposes it for those on the ladder behind him. As long as you don’t cuss or raise a fuss Working for Trump can be quite a plus But if you cross him Or try to boss him He’ll kick you and your butt under the bus. Biden and Harris are a confident twosome But campaigning against Trump could be quite gruesome If JoeBi can’t hack it And other Dems lack it Waiting in the wings is Gov’nor Gav Newsome. Lauren and Marjorie are mouthy and mean On the floor of the House they made quite a scene Called each other bitches When they’re really both witches From the GOP coven known as Gang Greene. From its allies Ukraine’s demanding more and more Bullets now cluster bombs from Biden’s surplus store But while Zelensky’s shopping Putin’s missiles keep dropping When will we sell peace instead of endless war? Republicans investigating Hunter and Joe Biden Try to find out what crimes the FBI’s hidin’ Though GOP Reps huff and puff The Truth for them is never enough As America into autocracy keeps slidin’ Tommie Tubberville is blocking every military promotion 'Cause he doesn't want any female soldier to have an abortion Forcing women to birth a baby In the army, marines, or navy Is a form of right-wing religious extortion. House Speaker Kevin McCarthy is quite craven Grown weaker to right-wing rads he's a cave-in Will he ever cross Trump? Will he ever stop being a chump? "Nevermore!" so wrote poet Poe quoting the Raven. RonDe thought winning GOP Prez Prize a cinch But he said and did things that would make your grandma flinch In polls and cash he's failing His supporters now all bailing Perhaps they think De Santa's meaner than the Grinch. Migrants seeking asylum should be greeted with hugs Instead at the border they're treated like bugs Shoved into razor wire, denied even water Children drowning, lambs to the slaughter Gov Abbott and his troopers are nothing but thugs! Summer of ‘23 and things are getting dire Temps keep rising, can't get much higher Oceans boiling, cities broiling How many more days Before we change our ways? What will it take to shake us awake? Before each of us catches on fire? Ron De and friends see many benefits from slavery Creates useful skills, patience, and bravery Have they forgotten just how rotten It is being forced to pick cotton? Are Ron De and friends guilty of knavery? (Or are they just horribly unsavory?) Trump finds it easy to break many laws Until one day a Special Prosecutor calls Now he begins to worry That the verdict of a jury Could lock him up for life behind prison walls. A Special Prosecutor named Jack Gives criminals in court little slack On a case goes whole hog To Trump he’s a bulldog Charging felonies so many it's hard to keep track. To Trump nothing trumps his right to free speech Anything he says from the Law is out of reach But just make a threat And for sure you can bet Justice will nab you no matter what you preach. Now a Special Counsel is targeting Biden's son Hunter didn't pay his taxes, illegally owned a gun The GOP hates to legislate Corporate donors never regulate But hey! investigating Biden’s family is lots of fun. In business and politics Trump thinks he's a sultan Not so, a grand jury said in Georgia's County Fulton Where a judge named Fani Came down hard on Donny Turned the Orange Man red, his boiling rage molten. Trump's mug shot expression is a sinister scowl Gives an accurate impression of his mood most foul Supporters still dote on him Will continue to vote for him Till he abandons oppression and throws in the towel. Daily indictments, contentious debates Mugshots, bookings, arraignments, trial dates Trump and his cronies Corrupt bunch of phonies What a year to be alive in these DisUnited States! Musk often acts without rhyme or reason One wonders what kind of substance he's on To the U.S. Elon’s a real pain Sides with Russia against Ukraine Just a billionaire's blunder or is it treason? GOP Reps keep investigating Hunter Biden Hopin’ to find dirt that his Papa's hidin' Impeachment and shutdown pending While Rules for Trump trials keep bending Sure seems Democracy and the Law’s backslidin' A GOP Congressman named Matt Gaetz Is known less for what he loves than what he hates Wants a government shutdown For all Trump Trials to put down Seems Donny and Matt are Psychos like Norman Bates Matt Gaetz went to the John to comb his hair Kevin McCarthy in a stall was also there Matt suddenly needed to take a crap So he knocked on Kevin’s door with a rap Said Matt to Kev: "Time's up! Vacate the chair!" In Congress they call themselves the Freedom Caucus They’re a group of radical Reps who are mean and raucous They despise Democracy And crave Autocracy While we try to improve America they want to “fauck” US. Jim Jordan for Speaker wants to be the one the House chooses But he didn't count on so few votes and so many bruises After Kevin McCarthy's removal from the ring JJ struggles on the Floor, his approval's still pending When Jordan wrestles with the Truth, the Truth always loses. Netanyahu Netanyahu, oh say can you see Revenge warfare is just total insanity With an eye for an eye Many innocents will die Jews Arabs and all of us share a common humanity. Speaker Mike Johnson: MAGA Reps want and need him Denying rights to others is their kind of freedom They believe a person is born at conception Won't allow any abortion without exception Why bring in migrants as workers when we can breed 'em? Christian Nationalists say Secularism is the culprit The will of pagan people? They just can't gulp it They would tear down the sturdy gate That separates religion and the State Make the Capitol a church, the Speaker’s podium a pulpit. On a program called Politics Done Right Whether you're moderate far left or far right Egberto Willies will greet you Always happy to meet you On his show honest insights shine bright.